The disgusting things people have done/said to me for being a feminist
I am 19 years old. I have not lived a long life and I know there are so many people out there that have experienced worse so I’m not claiming that what has happened to me is worst, but it’s still disgusting nonetheless. Also, this is not opression olympics.
I will not talk about catcalling and mansplaining because it will be 10 hours reading if I did that and no one wants it. (also, please stop we are tired)
#1 It was Friday morning, I walked to my classroom peacefully and then all of the sudden some guy showed me a naked Kendall Jenner photoshoot. It was not a sucker punch but I’m shocked, regardless. He said “So this is your idol huh? this is who you worship, a girl fully naked.” I’m confused, I know I love discussion but this is not how you start it. Do you want to have a discussion about free the nipple movement? Do you have trouble with women being sexually liberated? Does the idea of women making money with their bodies threaten you? What do you want from me and what kind of reaction do you expect?
#2 It was a student council president election time, and as the 3 candidates campaigned I said I’m going to vote for the female one and my female friend managed to say to me “you’re only voting for her because she’s a woman right?” This truly saddened me because first, why is it so hard for a woman to see other woman’s merit? why is your instinct told you that a leader must be a man? Why did you question my motive as if I’m, as a female, not capable of rational thinking and as if the female candidate is that bad compared to her competitors? And yes, I know the answer. It is because of misogyny. But still, I expected more from my female friends.
#3 At the dinner table, I was having a talk with my family about how marriage is not lucrative anymore nowadays and women don’t have to be a wife or a mother to feel whole. Marriage is high maintenance and it’s definitely not for everybody, and that’s okay because what will happen if we force everybody to build a family? unhappy, unfulfilled and problematic household. Which my dad replied “apa itu? konyol dan liberal!”
#5 “Hey what are you doing here? Help your mother cook!” said my dad as he was turning on the TV and lay in bed. Bro, why don’t YOU help YOUR WIFE? I replied to which he said “It’s not a men’s job to cook, you all women does that”
2 stories about your father? man, you must have hated him?!?! No. I love my father from the bottom of my heart, I just think that the bar could be raised a bit, you know? Dads, step up your game!
#6 TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT
I was telling my personal story, trying to make a point about why victim-blaming is wrong to a female authoritative figure in my life. I tell her about that time a male stranger groped me, out of nowhere, in the street near my middle school while I was wearing a full scout uniform (seragam pramuka) with hijab hoping that I will make her sympathize. As a fellow woman, you wouldn’t have the gut to defend the existed system knowing that this thing happens to innocent young women, right? but lo and behold, she said that it was unfortunate but religion has got it covered with their perfect rules. She said “that man must have violated Islam’s rule on how he shouldn’t look twice when he passes women, and if he did, his action became a sin” No shit sherlock. I can’t even begin to explain because how much worse do I have to be traumatized for you to believe that the problem is not the victim at all and how many times should women retell their trauma just so you understand?
There are a lot more disgusting experiences that I’ve encountered but I just feel exhausted after I write that last one, so maybe I will continue the list next time or maybe I don’t. I don’t know.
I realized that being a feminist is a lonely road, especially here in Indonesia. I’m not talking about the misogynistic, sexist, and patriarchal system, it’s the women that have internalized patriarchy that oftentimes almost make me give up, especially when that woman is a person that is close to you.
Someone asked me once, “as a feminist, shouldn’t you listen to every woman?” I mean yeah I listen to Whitney Houston but joke aside, no I will not listen to women who have internalized patriarchy, women that need men’s validation, women that tear other women down for the attention of a man, women who see other women as a competitor instead of sisters. I will not listen to Candace Owens. I wish them well, I hope they knew better but I will not listen to them.
If you feel like you made a mistake in the past that’s okay, people change. I used to praise toxic masculinity and uphold beauty standards so dearly but now I know better, and that’s what matters.
